I hate your face
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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