New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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