i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude. I can hear the air.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
