I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
