guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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