one two three fourrrrnication!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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