Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
