Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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