My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
