So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
