I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
