I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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