I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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