If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
