Cold hands, warm shart.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
