Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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