Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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