your thong is hanging out like whoa
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry my hands just texted you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
