last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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