My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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