Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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