I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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