I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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