The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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