Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
