Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
