I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
