I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
