Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
