When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
