Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
