The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize