Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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