just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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