I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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