Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I had to cum in my sink.
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