You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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