the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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