i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
