sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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