Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
