did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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