apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
