Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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