He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
