This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
