omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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