yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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