also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
