So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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