We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
