I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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