Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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