THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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