It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
