I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
