Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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