you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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