do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
