Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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