Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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