Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
